18 August, 2020 - I Miss You Lots & Being Emotional
Dear, Mom -
Hello, Mama. I’ve had a bit of a hard day emotionally and am really missing your shoulder to lean on. You have always given the best advice and words of wisdom. Whenever I feel down, you cheer me up with your conviction and strength. I could sure use that right now. Sometimes I need to deal with people that aren’t as empathetic as I am. Their words come across very brash and they are unwilling to listen to calm words and explanation. Sometimes, these people are under a great deal of stress and are finding their own ways to deal with emotions.. They easily shut down when topics that are hard to hear or deal with come up. I get this. Completely. I am usually the first to cry at any hint of emotions; happy, sad, conflict, etc. I wish these people would understand my words are for helping and understanding, not arguments or blame. So, I had a bit of a downer this afternoon when this occurred with someone that I am close to, and they were unreceptive and wanted to end the discussion. I concurred feeling hurt and went home. This is who I am. I am not ashamed of it. This is why I choose to care for people and advocate for people who cannot advocate for themselves. Our voices of support are so important even when people choose not to want to hear it.
I feel better now. Holly and I went for a walk with Elsa and it felt good to get out in the air and distractions. I also had a nice day with Bob. He and his son Philippe are such lovely people and I am glad to have them in my life and work. I know for some people that getting close to ‘clients’ is not a good idea, but if my clients are not considered my friends/family, I feel I cannot communicate with them the way they need to be. It has to come from my heart. Before when I have worked with people with very clear boundaries of what my ‘job’ was, it never worked out. I would put in the effort, but as soon as I was seen getting to close emotionally, then would become mean or manipulative and ‘put me in my place’. That is why I quit working with those people and started my business. I can recognize verbal abuse and passive aggressiveness. I choose not to be with those people anymore. I need to show people that I care, not that I know how to use a broom or do their dishes. With Birgit, Gale, and Bob I have never felt that way and for that I am fortunate.
I feel better at least being able to tell you how I am feeling in a letter. I know that you are there listening to my written words and feelings are being created from it because you love me. Just knowing that gives me a sense of relief. I wish more than anything you could stroke my hair a bit and give me a big hug, but for now we will just have to imagine it happening. I know it will again in the future. You are so very precious to me, Mom. I cannot stress that enough. Being away from you is very hard and I know it goes both ways. I am very thankful that you are with an amazing staff that looks after you since I cannot. One of these days, we will all be able to sit down together, have a meal, and share our laughter and smiles. That day cannot come soon enough.
You really are the best Mom ever. You are so talented and smart. Best of all, you are funny and very caring and (I think) you did a fantastic job of raising me and molding me into the person I am now. Thank you. I love you!!!
Here are a bunch of pictures of flowers that I took on my various walks today. All for you. 🥰✨❤️
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