13 April, 2020 - I Haven't Abandoned You!
Dear, Mom...
Today is Monday, the 13th of April, 2020.
I have been really depressed because I know you don't understand why I stopped seeing you and why I cannot see you now. It wasn't my choice, Mom. The world is changing. It is evolving rapidly into a place of discretion, fear, attention to detail, people growing closer together and sometimes apart. People venture outside with protective masks and gloves hoping to prevent a virus from making them sick. The venture back in and wash their hands, their clothes, their protective gear, and settle into a life defined by four walls and screens. Everyday the information shifts and changes and we never know quite where we stand, but we try to be hopeful. We try to stick together even if it means we have to stand 6 feet apart. This is something the universe threw at the world to teach us lesson on so many levels. Maybe people in control of laws will see things in the world are changing to rapidly. People are too demanding of the Earth. People are too demanding of each other.
I'm learning it's time to slow down and pay attention to the bigger pictures.
Elsa is my saving grace. She helps me to cope. She reminds me every morning that it's time for breakfast and a walk. She pulls me out of bed after she's had belly rub and a cuddle. She looks at me with big, brown eyes and tells me it's a new day and we'll get through it. We eat, we walk, we play, we spend time together. She gets to see Holly all day long because Holly now works from home. I still cautiously leave the house to work with Birgit and Bob. I had to tell Gale we need to wait until we have an "all clear'. Our beloved Cinema 21 is closed for nobody knows how long.
Mainly, Mom, I want you to know that when I wake up I wonder how you are doing? I want to sit and eat with you and visit with your friends. I want to eat secret snacks with you in your room and tell you funny stories about my day. I want to be right there with you. Right next to you where I can put my arm around you and give you a smile and a kiss on the forehead. I want to hug you and hold you because I know right now that is what you need.
All I can do is write to you everyday and make it seem more real. Our phone calls are difficult. I am not a little picture on a screen, I am your daughter. I am large as life and supposed to be there with you on my days off and after work and whenever I can be. Right now, I'm on this side of the screen, though. I know you don't understand and I hope some day I can sit and read this to you and really explain as I go along.
I haven't abandoned you, Mom. I'm right here. I'll be here. The minute the doors are opened and we are told we can go back to whatever normal may be, I will be there holding you, consoling you, making you smile, and telling you how brave you were the whole time. You are brave, strong, and amazing, Mom.
I hope you are tucked in and dreaming about Grandma and South Dakota, or Dad and Milton-Freewater, or me, sitting, holding your hand, filling your heart with the warmth it needs.
I love you and miss you, Mom.
Good night. We'll talk soon. I promise.
Today is Monday, the 13th of April, 2020.
I have been really depressed because I know you don't understand why I stopped seeing you and why I cannot see you now. It wasn't my choice, Mom. The world is changing. It is evolving rapidly into a place of discretion, fear, attention to detail, people growing closer together and sometimes apart. People venture outside with protective masks and gloves hoping to prevent a virus from making them sick. The venture back in and wash their hands, their clothes, their protective gear, and settle into a life defined by four walls and screens. Everyday the information shifts and changes and we never know quite where we stand, but we try to be hopeful. We try to stick together even if it means we have to stand 6 feet apart. This is something the universe threw at the world to teach us lesson on so many levels. Maybe people in control of laws will see things in the world are changing to rapidly. People are too demanding of the Earth. People are too demanding of each other.
I'm learning it's time to slow down and pay attention to the bigger pictures.
Elsa is my saving grace. She helps me to cope. She reminds me every morning that it's time for breakfast and a walk. She pulls me out of bed after she's had belly rub and a cuddle. She looks at me with big, brown eyes and tells me it's a new day and we'll get through it. We eat, we walk, we play, we spend time together. She gets to see Holly all day long because Holly now works from home. I still cautiously leave the house to work with Birgit and Bob. I had to tell Gale we need to wait until we have an "all clear'. Our beloved Cinema 21 is closed for nobody knows how long.
Mainly, Mom, I want you to know that when I wake up I wonder how you are doing? I want to sit and eat with you and visit with your friends. I want to eat secret snacks with you in your room and tell you funny stories about my day. I want to be right there with you. Right next to you where I can put my arm around you and give you a smile and a kiss on the forehead. I want to hug you and hold you because I know right now that is what you need.
All I can do is write to you everyday and make it seem more real. Our phone calls are difficult. I am not a little picture on a screen, I am your daughter. I am large as life and supposed to be there with you on my days off and after work and whenever I can be. Right now, I'm on this side of the screen, though. I know you don't understand and I hope some day I can sit and read this to you and really explain as I go along.
I haven't abandoned you, Mom. I'm right here. I'll be here. The minute the doors are opened and we are told we can go back to whatever normal may be, I will be there holding you, consoling you, making you smile, and telling you how brave you were the whole time. You are brave, strong, and amazing, Mom.
I hope you are tucked in and dreaming about Grandma and South Dakota, or Dad and Milton-Freewater, or me, sitting, holding your hand, filling your heart with the warmth it needs.
I love you and miss you, Mom.
Good night. We'll talk soon. I promise.
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