26 November, 2020 - In Memory of You, Margaret Ann, My Beloved Mother
Dearest, Mom -
My heart is broken. You left me today. It was so unexpected and I am devastated. This past year has been such a trial for us. Even though we were not able to be together for most of the year, you were so strong and did your best. I regret so deeply that you could not be living with me, Holly, and Elsa the dog. If only so many factors of our lives had been different to create different possibilities. I wanted to hold your hand every day as we walked the road of your journey together. I wanted to be the best daughter I could for you and I know you know I tried. I would have never have been able to be the person I am today if it weren’t for the compassion, empathy, and love you instilled in me. Through your and Dad’s examples, I have led my life as a caring individual and utilized these attributes when helping the elders in my life. I want you to know how grateful I am to you for everything you have given me throughout our time together. Since your passing, I feel as though I am not at all whole, but I know this void will again be filled. I will carry it proudly as a reminder of you so that this memory of my love for you never fades. You and I have a very special bond that is eternal.
This is the last picture of a flower I took for you. Elsa the dog and I were on a walk yesterday and I saw these and knew I needed another flower picture for my letter. It has been so hard to find them still looking so fresh and vibrant. Well, typical me, I got sidetracked with the recipes I found and wrote about last night and forgot to post it at the end. I know you would appreciate their colors. Your eyes were always that of an accomplished artist.
I am again so tired, but for different reasons tonight. I want to keep typing because it feels like I am talking to you. I didn’t want to ever have to stop talking to you. So, I will keep writing to you, Mom. I will process what has happened the best I can for as long as I can. Tonight, as all the nights before, I give you my whole heart, bounding with love for you.
I know you have found peace and are now free of life’s burdens. My vision of you now also brings me peace. I know that Dad is so glad to have you with him, Grandma is enveloping you with love, and everyone we have lost is surrounding you with a warmth of light and joy. Save me a spot, kid. When my path takes me to the gate, please be the first there to greet me. I will fall into your arms with such graciousness and happiness. And we will all walk a new journey together.
I miss you terribly. I love you unconditionally. Please visit me in my dreams. This time you can hold my hand, stroke my hair, and tell me stories.
❤️✨❤️Forever Your Youngest Girl, All My Love, —-Sally Ann❤️✨❤️
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